A general rule of etiquette is that one apologizes for the unfortunate occurrence, but the unthinkable is unmentionable.
Judith Martin (“Miss Manners”)
Manners are of more importance than laws…. Manners are what vex or soothe, corrupt or purify, exalt or debase, barbarize or refine us, by a constant, steady, uniform, insensible operation, like that of the air we breathe in.
Edmund Burke 1796
Manners aim to facilitate life, to get rid of impediments, and bring the man pure to energize. They aid our dealing and conversation, as a railway aids travelling, by getting rid of all avoidable obstructions of the road, and leaving nothing to be conquered but pure space.
Ralph Waldo Emerson 1844
Manners are very communicable: men catch them from each other.
Ralph Waldo Emerson 1860
Good manners have much to do with the emotions. To make them ring true, one must feel them, not merely exhibit them.
Amy Vanderbilt 1963
Good manners are made up of petty sacrifices.
Ralph Waldo Wmerson 1876
Good manners, to those one does not love, are no more a breach of truth, than “your humble servant,” at the bottom of a challenge is; they are universally agreed upon, and understand to be things of course. They are necessary guards of the decency and peace of society.
Philip Dormer Stanhope 1751
The total and universal want of manners, both in males and females, is … remarkable … that polish which removes the coarser and rougher parts of our nature is unknown and undreamed of.
Frances Trollope 1832 “Domestic Manners of the Americans”
This is no argument against teaching manners to the young. On the contrary, it is a fine old tradition that ought to be resurrected from its current mothballs and put to work…In fact, children are much more comfortable when they know the guide rules for handling the social amenities. It’s no more fun for a child to be introduced to a strange adult and have no idea what to say or do than it is for a grownup to go to a formal dinner and have no idea what fork to use.
Leontine Young 1965
… there is nothing so sad as lack of fine manners in a gentleman, except the lack of them in a lady.
Mrs. H. O. Ward 1878
Fine manners need the support of fine manners in others.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
The farmer stands well on the world. Plain in manners as in dress, he would not shine in palaces; he is absolutely unknown and inadmissible therein; living or dying, he never shall be heard of in them; yet the drawing-room heroes put down beside him would shrivel in his presence; he solid and unexpressive, they expressed to gold-leaf.
Ralph Waldo Emerson 1870
Association with women is the basis of good manners.
Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe 1809
I have always been of the mind that in a democracy manners are the only effective weapons against the bowie-knife.
James Russell Lowell 1873
A child who is not rigorously instructed in the matter of table manners is a child whose future is being dealt with cavalierly. A person who makes an admiral’s hat out of linen napkins is not going to be in wild social demand.
Fran Lebowitz 1994
Traditionally Southern statesmen have been orators. A society emphasizing social rituals and manners requires a kind of reverence for words to adequately express sentiment and feeling. The dregs of this rhetoric remain the stock in trade of the grass roots politicians. The Southerner generally does not shy away—to the extent the Northerner does—from a use of language that is something more than bare statement. The Northerner, with his conditioned respect for practicality and getting-to-the-point is more likely to possess a far greater reading than speaking vocabulary and to associate anything more than simple expression with ostentation.
William Van O’Conner 1947
.jpg "WarriorsOfHonorDVD")
I recently bought a DVD titled Warriors of Honor, from New Liberty Videos. This is clearly one of the most important resources available to Southerners wanting to learn about their heritage and wanting to share that heritage with others. It is a valuable resource for parents teaching their children about our true history from a Christian perspective.
The video follows the lives of Robert E. Lee and Thomas “Stonewall” Jackson from their early days, through the war, and (for Lee) the years following the war. There is a very strong emphasis on the role that their Christianity had in their lives – and how that influenced others. It is truly inspiring – not only from a Southern perspective, but from the wider and more important Christian perspective. This is not just for Southerners, but has broad appeal for any Christian.
Here is the opening narration from the video:
When we speak of the war between The North and The South, we are not speaking of different directions but rather of two different cultures. One of the few things they had in common was the same language, and even that was spoken with different dialects. By 1861, Southerners had developed a philosophy of independence and individual freedom and were relatively free from governmental restraint. At the same time, the populous North embraced the notion of a strong central government, which resulted in its citizens giving up a large measure of individuality. The strained attempts at holding together two cultures so diametrically opposed resulted in a disastrous war. President Jefferson Davis predicted that if The South lost the war, The North would rewrite history in its favor, and today, virtually every school system in The South teaches its students from American history books produced in the North by Northern authors. A nation that is ignorant of its past is a nation that is ripe for deception and manipulation. Therefore, it is not what happened, but rather what people believe happened which determines the present actions of a nation.
The production value is as high as any professionally produced documentary you might find anywhere. This is something you really should buy rather than just watch on YouTube, since it is meant to be shared with others. Do you want to really do something to promote our Southern heritage? Consider buying several copies of Warriors of Honor and donating them to your church library and to your local public library. Invite friends and relatives over for an evening to watch it with them. They will no longer wonder about your motivation for displaying the Confederate flag – they will understand that you have chosen to align yourself with that which represents the ideals of what is good, what is just, what is right, and what is Godly.
Win a Free Copy of Warriors of Honor
New Liberty Videos has graciously provided us with a copy of the Warriors of Honor DVD to be given away in a random drawing here on Confederate Colonel.
Here is how it will work:
- During the month of September, post a comment on any article that was posted during the month of September. The comment must be at least marginally relevant and meaningful – writing “I want to win the DVD” or something like that gets your comment deleted. We are not about emptiness and fluff here at Confederate Colonel. Comments that attack the principles and objectives of the Confederate Colonel project will be disqualified (but not deleted).
- You can post on any and all of the articles, but if you post more than once on a given article, only the first post will count.
- I will assign consecutive numbers to each article posted in September, and then use random.org to select a number within that range. I will then do the same for all comments on that article.
- If the person whose comment is selected has already commented on that particular article, then I will select the previous comment as the winner. If my own name gets selected, the winner will be the comment immediately before mine. If there are no comments on the selected post, then the video will be donated to our church library.
- The selection results will be posted on or about October 1. The winner will be contacted through the email address on your comment and the DVD will be mailed to you. The selection of the winner will be entirely my decision.
- Bottom line – the more comments (meaningful comments) you post, the better your chance to win.
The DVD includes three “bonus” videos – one on slavery, one on the story of Sam Davis, and one about the Palmyra massacre. The slavery video shows the history of slavery and points out that Whites were often captured and sold as slaves – in fact, the word “slavery” itself came from the capturing of Slavic people (Whites). Sam Davis was a 21-year old Confederate captured by the Yankees and accused of spying. A captured spy is subject to execution rather than imprisonment as a regular soldier would be. At the time of his capture, he was in Confederate uniform, which meant that he was not operating as a spy. Every single Yankee officer and soldier involved in his capture testified that he was in uniform, but his mock trial found him guilty of espionage and sentenced him to hang – unless he turned in his compatriots. His story is truly an inspiration. The Palmyra massacre was the murder of 10 Confederate prisoners in retaliation for the abduction of a Yankee supporter – a tactic that Hitler would later emulate. Lincoln not only approved of this, he rewarded the officer in charge by promoting him to Major General.
See for yourself just what a great resource it is:
Searcy
Portrait of a Matriarch
I look back upon the worn, faded, cherished family photographs. I search the eyes, so similar in shape to my own. I search the face of the matriarch of my immediate family.
These images, more than 100 years old, depict a tall, lean lady with silken chestnut hair and large, up-tilting eyes. Dressed in white in her girlhood photos. Dressed in silks in her later years.
It is when our words are quieted that we train our children.
I wonder at her dignified seriousness, yet I have gained an understanding of her quick intelligence and her serene optimism through her diaries. I find hints of her ways as I read the books she read, holding the lovely volumes she held. I have old sachets, still resting among her treasures.
Who can find a virtuous woman? What is the legacy we may leave? Do we live in honor of the old-fashioned ways: disciplined faith, a serene grace, letter writing, unfailing manners, proper dress, dignified comportment? What will photographs reveal of us?
She maketh herself coverings of tapestry. Do we dress for this most holy, most important position? Are we the essence of timeless femininity? Will photographs of us reveal mere dated trend? Will our descendants see overburdened, disheveled, unhealthy victims of our own undoing?
Strength and honour are her clothing. Do we present our most dignified self at our most vulnerable moments? Are we majestic oaks, roots deep and true? Or are we clinging moss, tossed with each change of the winds.
Are we living in preparation for the matriarch we will one day be?
Originally published in the Old Southern Garden blog.
By N.S. Palmer, Ph.D.
What caused the American “Civil War”?*
That question provoked a serious, thoughtful argument between two readers of this blog. In the Comments section of my article, “The Hijab and the Flag,” they exchanged views, arguments, and more facts than I ever knew about the Civil War.
One of the readers, who hails from Canada, thinks that slavery was the paramount reason for the Civil War. The other, who lives in Texas, thinks that economic and Constitutional issues were most important.
The official reason for the war, as the story is told today, was to eliminate the undisputed evil of slavery. As the saying goes, “history is written by the victors.”
Because most people have little interest in history beyond graduating from high school, they accept that explanation without question. And even some people who do think about history conclude, based on their reading, that slavery was the cause of the war.
People in former Confederate states, however, are less inclined to accept the official explanation. The reader in Texas is one of them. And when I mentioned the dispute to a software engineer from Louisiana, he agreed that “of course,” economic concerns were paramount and that slavery was a side-issue.
Continue reading »
It is a rare opportunity to see Southern culture and history combined with one’s own family history being portrayed in a novel – and then being made into a movie, but I have that privilege. I had known that the novel So Red The Rose, written by Stark Young, was about my ancestors. What I had not been aware of was that it was made into a movie. The movie was produced by Paramount Pictures in 1935 (4 years before Gone With The Wind). In the book, the Bowling Green Plantation is called Montrose, hence the title So Red The Rose. Mr. Young was my 4th cousin a couple times removed and based several of his novels on the history of the McGehee family – primarily the families of Hugh McGehee and his son Edward. They were my first cousins several times removed. In the movie the focus is on their neighbors, the Bedford family; the McGehee family plays only a very minor role (they ride up to the plantation to gather horses and men to join the battle).
Here is a clip from that film.
Searcy
I live by rules
I have a natural instinct towards categorizing things as either right or wrong, which I further refine through knowledge and careful attention. I do not subscribe to the modern notion of relativism, as there really is no such thing. I am the guardian of my behavior, and I live in careful check of it. This sort of awareness extends to my personal dress and comportment, as well. I was raised to be careful and carefully aware of my position and to value it. Appearance communicates the level of one’s own self-worth.
As With You, So With Your Children
I believe this list to be woefully incomplete, because I do not possess a written list of rules, yet these rules are as intrinsic to me as my name. Both were given to me by my family, and as with one’s name, if something is consistently repeated and enforced throughout a child’s lifetime, it becomes theirs, it becomes them. Continue reading »
Never underestimate the power of your manner and manners, you dress and comportment, nor your standards or intellectual leanings, for they will surely be the foundation upon which your children build.
Just a “thought for the day”, if you will. I find myself having to regularly focus on maintaining good posture. It does not come naturally for me – I have to remain conscious of the need to sit and stand up straight. I could use the excuse that my physical height (I am 6’6″ tall) requires more effort to maintain good posture, but that is just an excuse. A Southern Gentleman does not make excuses – he does what is right.
Aside from the physical benefits of good posture, the way you carry yourself says a lot about your demeanor and self-respect. Slouching gives the appearance of one who is ashamed of who he is and what he has done; good posture demonstrates the opposite. If we were speaking in Biblical terms, then we would all be crawling on the ground in our sinful shame, but we are talking here about our actions in the world. Standing erect and straight makes a man look confident, in control, and in command of the situation. When you first enter a room full of people, they make an instant first impression of you that will carry over into all dealings with you. Make that first impression a good one by consciously checking your posture and making sure you stand straight and tall.
As a Southern Gentleman, you are an ambassador of The South. Once people know that you are a Southern Gentleman – and they certainly should know that – their impression of you affects their impression of Southern culture and heritage. It is the duty of every Southern Gentleman to do his best to make sure that impression is a good one. That is the goal of an ambassador.
Brian Standerfer
My great great Grandfather, John Newton Standerfer, was born in October of 1842 near Jonesville in Lee County, Virginia. He was the son of a farmer and Grist Mill owner. John was 19, in 1861 when he enlisted in the Army of Western Virginia. His military records list him as a Private in Company B, 15 Regiment, Virginia Infantry. John shared with his grandchildren many stories from his time in the war. About fighting under General Joseph E. Johnston until his wounding in 1862, then under General Robert E. Lee, and General Thomas J. Jackson, in the “Foot Cavalry” until his wounding and death at Chancellorsville, finally, again under General Robert E. Lee at Gettysburg.
John told about when en route to his first command post in 1861, he and others paid 50 cents to see a live show of patriotic music. For the first time in his life, John recalled, he heard a real life band play “Dixie.” John remembered being so moved and so proud. He related the fighting at Chancellorsville as the bloodiest he had been involved in and how he remembered seeing General Jackson shortly after his wounding. He described that day as the saddest day in the life of General Jackson’s men.
John Newton Standerfer
He was captured 3 times during the war. The first time while in the prison camp he and other confederates dug 14 tunnels under fences and walls and made their escape under the hail of bullets. He and many others made it to the safety of a nearby river and finally freedom. The second time he recalled being held near the front lines and at some point seeing a fellow prisoner, a “big Irishman,” move slowly toward freedom. John kept his eyes on him, very casually and very scared they walked right out of the enemy camp, and escaped to their lines.
The last time he was captured at Snicker’s Gap, Virginia. It appears he was involved in the Battle of Cool Spring, one of many contests for control of the gap. On July 18, 1864 he was captured and sent to the Old Capitol Prison in Washington, DC. He was transfered to Elmira Prison on Aug 12, 1864 where he spent almost an entire year. John remembered the living situation at Elmira being a sad state. Often times food was so scarce that at one point his food was limited to 9 grains of parched corn for each meal. John was released from Elmira Prison on July 30, 1865. His oldest grandson described John’s view of his service in the war. “Pa was never sure he killed a man. He never wanted to kill anyone, but there was a war to be fought and did what he felt was his obligation.”
Continue reading »
Richard G. Williams, Jr., author of the Old Virginia blog, is one of my favorite Southern writers. He gives an noble and honorable defense of The South – and is honest enough to point out our faults where needed. In his August 14, 2010 post, titled A Response to Professor David Blight’s Article, he provides us with an excellent response to all those who claim that our ancestors went to war to support slavery, and all the other accusations that are hurled our way.
This is the closing paragraph of an article that everyone should read:
“And finally, to answer the good Professor’s question: “Why doesn’t the Confederacy just fade away?” The answer is simple—because many Southerners continue to teach our children and our grandchildren what our fathers and mothers and grandparents have taught us and passed down for generations. We still share our family history around the supper table; eating harvest that was grown and nourished from the very soil that contains the blood of our kin—blood that was shed while defending our homes. We still share our family history on the front porches of our homes in the fading light of summer evenings surrounded by great trees that were present when our ancestors lived. We still share our family history before a crackling fire in our homes on cold winter nights with our children and grandchildren gathered close around us—we continue to share the stories, the sadness, the glory, the bravery, the love, the patriotism, the loyalty, and the sacrifices of those who have gone before us. We do this, in part, that we might “honor our fathers” as the Scriptures command us. And our children and our grandchildren, despite the relentless and misguided assault on their heritage by the likes of Professor Blight, will do the same when their turn comes.”
Richard G. Williams, Jr.
I have, over the years, made frequent reference to Mr. Williams’ writing and encouraged folks to make his Old Virginia Blog a regular part of their reading. This is just another example. Richard G. Williams is truly a Southern treasure.
Searcy
Europe and the South
I lived in Europe for several years after college. All the children in my family do, as it has been a tradition followed for many generations.
It should come as no surprise to those of you raised in a traditional Southern manner that we have quite a bit more in common with traditional European ways than with people from the North.
There is a reverence of and adherence to tradition in Europe that is familiar and comfortable to Southerners. We choose to live a small gracious life filled neither with trend, nor a clutter of possessions. It is a dignified life I believe many people now unwisely choose to either ignore or sadly never learn in the first place. There is a gentle, Old World manner to Southern life.
Originally published in the Old Southern Garden blog.
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