Although it has been 17 years since I left the “corporate world” to start my own business, I can attest to how well these apply to the real world today – nearly 350 years after it was written. For example, knowing how to balance #10 and #17 can have a big impact on one’s career reputation.

Keep in mind that, like the writing of Machiavelli, this should not be considered advice, but wisdom. Understanding the actions of others – whether they be honorable or dishonorable – is a vitally important life skill. This type of information (this book and The Prince by Machiavelli) is not like the maxims of Robert E. Lee, in which each and every point describes the actions of a Southern gentleman. This is more of a catalog of how a wide range of people think and act. While the majority of what we find in this type of book is good, solid, practical advice, some of it would be abhorrent to any Southern gentleman. Whether it is advice to be followed or observations to be noted, they must be understood to successfully navigate through the often-rocky waters of life.

1. In your affairs, create suspense.
2. The height of perfection. No one is born complete; perfect yourself and your activities day by day
3. Don’t arouse excessive expectations from the start.
4. Never exaggerate.
5. Never lose your self-respect.
6. Never lose your composure.
7. Don’t be uneven, or inconsistent in your actions: either through inclination or choice.
8. Choose a heroic model, more to emulate than to imitate.
9. Understand yourself: your temperament, intellect, opinions, emotions. You can’t be master of yourself if you don’t first understand yourself.
10. Don’t hang around to be a setting sun. The sensible person’s maxim: abandon things before they abandon you.
11. Get used to the bad temperaments of those you deal with, like getting used to ugly faces.
12. Never complain. Complaining always brings discredit.
13. Avoid familiarity when dealing with people. It should be neither used nor permitted.
14. Know how to appreciate. There’s no one who can’t be better than someone at something, and none who excel who can’t be excelled.
15. Undertake what’s easy as if it were hard, and what’s hard as if it were easy.
16. Take a joke, but don’t make someone the butt of one. The first is a form of politeness; the second, of audacity.
17. Carry things through.
18. Don’t be carried away by the last person you meet.
19. Go with the flow, but not beyond decency.
20. Act as though always on view. The insightful man is the one who sees that others see or will see him.

I have just listed the main points here, so be sure to read the full post on Art of Manliness for a more detailed explanation of these points.

The article not only discusses the reasons why it is so important, but why such a simple thing often seems so difficult. I know that I often have to remind myself of this and make a real conscious effort to make good eye contact when talking with others. I suspect that I am not alone in that.

Here are some of the key points. Be sure to read the full post.

Numerous studies have shown that people who make higher-levels of eye contact with others are perceived as being:

• More dominant and powerful
• More warm and personable
• More attractive and likeable
• More qualified, skilled, competent, and valuable
• More trustworthy, honest, and sincere
• More confident and emotionally stable

 

Why Eye Contact Is Vitally Important for Creating Positive Connections with Others

• Our eyes were made to connect.
• Our eyes reveal our thoughts and feelings.
• Eye contact shows attention.
• Eye contact creates an intimate bond.

Read the entire post here. This is indicated as “Part 1″, so watch for Part 2.

Today’s post at Art of Manliness is titled “Ace Your Exams: Study Habits of The Gentleman Scholar“. Let me quickly point out that one does not have to be a full time high school or college student to benefit from this post – it applies to anyone with the natural curiosity and hunger for life-long learning that is a mark of the Southern gentleman. In my own case, I know that I need to put more effort into studying God’s word. I have made a number of attempts to seriously study The Bible, yet I never seem to gain traction – I end up wasting time, wandering off on other topics, and just never studying The Bible as I know that I should. The same thing applies to my need to stay up to date with the latest technology and trends in programming languages – my business depends on it, yet it is so easy to get bogged down in the details of running a business that I can quickly lose sight of the long term needs. In other words, I need to learn better study habits. I suspect that you do, too.

Here are the key points from the AOM post. Be sure to read the entire post and become a better Southern gentleman scholar.

• Time & Energy Management
• Reading Assignments and Homework
• Make the Most of Class Time
• Getting Extra Help
• Create an Outline or Study Guide
• Memorizing
• Self-Testing: The Master Key to Academic Success
• Study Groups
• Great Resources on Improving Your Study Skills

I suspect that, if asked for the number one source of social awkwardness, many of us would say it is remembering names. I have a terrible time of it, and suspect that you do also. The very core of being a Southern Gentleman lies in making others feel comfortable and important. Nothing makes a bigger impression in that regard than the simple act of remembering and using another person’s name.

As I have mentioned previously, I used to be heavily involved in politics. I remember talking with a young man who worked as a volunteer with our local congressman. He and his family had been big supporters for several years, and were at many of his local campaign events. This young man was clearly a face he should have recognized, yet the congressman never remembered or called him by his name. In frustration, he told me that the next time the congressman didn’t remember his name, he will have to find another volunteer. Politicians are famous for paying attention to names (especially big donors), and this congressman’s failure to give that same respect to this teenaged volunteer may have cost him a very hard worker. Trust me on this – dedicated campaign workers are extremely rare, and the politician who neglects them will pay a steep price for that oversight.

Here are some key points from the post. Be sure to read the full article.

The key to being a charismatic gentleman is making others feel important. And what better way to make someone feel important than by remembering their name? Remembering someone’s name tells them that they were special enough to have made a real impression on you. And everybody wants to feel special.

• Commit to listening and remembering
• Repeat early, repeat often
• Have them spell it out
• Use a mnemonic device
• Visualize the person’s name on their forehead
• Associate the person’s name with an easy to remember picture
• Associate the image that represents the person’s name to an outstanding facial feature on the person
• Takes notes
• Practice, practice, practice

These are just the key points – the original post includes the details.

There are two ways to mess up etiquette. One is too ignore it altogether. The other is to over-think it and overdo it, and thus make it weird and awkward. So keep that in mind as you read these guidelines; the most important thing to remember is simply to be natural and to use common sense! It’s definitely not too complicated; these guidelines are simply designed to allow you to be smooth, instead of standing there havy-cavy, wondering what to do.

Opening doors for women requires their cooperation. If you get to the door before a woman, opening the door is simple. Just open the door and hold it for her. Things get awkward when you and your gal arrive at the door at the same time or she gets there before you. In these types of situations, opening doors becomes much like a dance. Each sex has a role they need to fill for the operation to successfully work. If your lady arrives at the door before you or at the same time as you, she should step slightly to one side so that you can open the door without knocking her on her tuckus. If she opens the door for herself, that’s not a problem. See below.

1. Your personal presentation is important
2. Do not judge others based on their appearance
3. Details define a man’s style
4. A respect for protocol
5. Always have your equipment ready
6. Our appearance and behavior reflects on our associations
7. Appreciate your history

A few comments of my own:

“Do not judge others based on their appearance” is both right and wrong. Our outward appearance reflects on our inner self. A person who has tattoos does so in order to say something about his (and, disgusting as it is – her) own beliefs. On the other hand, I have often found myself in the middle of a project and having to make a quick trip to the hardware store. I end up going dressed in badly worn and dirty clothing that I normally would not want to wear out in public and needing more than a quick wash-up. I certainly hope that others would not judge me by the way I looked at that time. The key here is exercising good judgment.

“Appreciate your history” is at the very core of what Confederate Colonel is all about. Appreciate your history. Understand your heritage. Take pride in your past. A well-dressed man wearing a Confederate flag lapel pin or a tasteful Confederate tie does more to further the image of The South than words could ever express. This is closely tied in with “Our appearance and behavior reflects on our associations”.

Robert E. Lee

Today’s post in Art of Manliness is a story about Robert E. Lee:

General Robert E. Lee was on his way to Richmond, and was seated in the extreme end of a railroad car, every seat of which was occupied. At one of the stations, an aged woman of humble appearance entered the car, carrying a large basket. She walked the length of the aisle and not a man offered her a seat. When she was opposite General Lee’s seat, he arose promptly and said, “Madam, take this seat.” Instantly a score of men were on their feet, and a chorus of voices said, “General, have my seat.” “No, gentlemen,” he replied, “if there was no seat for this old lady, there is no seat for me.” It was not long before the car was almost empty. It was too warm to be comfortable.

From Success by Orison Swett Marden

An excellent article from one of my favorite blogs. Always ready and eager to spoil anything good and decent, we see this comment within hours of posting the article:

Yankee November 14, 2010 at 1:44 am

This was because Lee was educated and primed in the North at West Point, before he became a traitor to the Union. “Duty, Honor, Country”.

“Yankee” has very eloquently demonstrated, yet again, the Yankee attitude toward The South. The character of Robert E. Lee is not important. The chivalry of Robert E. Lee is not important. The gentlemanly manners of Robert E. Lee is not important. No, what is important to “Yankee” is that Robert E. Lee attended West Point, located 50 miles north of New York City – as though he learned the entire concept of manners and chivalry north of New York City. There simply is no middle ground for those who hate The South.

Being introduced invites you into the conversation and makes you feel like part of the group, which is why making an introduction shows your respect for your guest. Neglecting to make an introduction leaves a person feeling ignored and, well, awkward. Making introductions is particularly important in business settings as they establish a rapport of respect, get relationships off on the right foot, and give you an aura of being confident, prepared, and in control.

The overarching principle when making introductions is deference and respect. You show chivalrous deference to women by introducing the man to the woman. You show respect for your elders by introducing the younger to the older. And in a business setting, you show respect to higher-ups by introducing the person of lower rank to the person of higher position.