Tim Manning

Mr. Manning has kindly granted us permission to re-post his essay here on Confederate Colonel.

I am thankful for my fb friends that support and agree with me on so many important social and political problems. Sometimes I am thankful for those who disagree me if for no other reason than it helps me to build character and patience. The problem that most old-time Southerners have is that there is a profound loss of good manners and civility in our beloved Southern States. We do not expect northerners to act like gentlemen and ladies, but we still maintain a higher expectation of fellow Christians and fellow Southerners. The problem has gotten to be that the process of yankeefication has polluted our Southern culture. Too many people no longer know the difference between good manners, moral character and business etiquette. I see that this is making reasonable dialogue on controversial topics very difficult for some people as I see it manifested on my fb pages.

At the heart of yankee Khazar Marxism, the sorry excuse for what yankees call a “culture”, is the disempowerment of the citizenry creating high levels of personal anxiety, frustration, financial insecurity and penned-up anger. In the farming communities that prevailed until after 1900 AD in the united States most people met and did business with less than three dozen people in their small rural farming communities. Centralization of government, a totalitarian goal of the Lincoln administration, removed the possibility of self-government and placed great political power in the hands of a smaller and smaller group of elitist in a system of the raw exercise of power and control which we refer to as an oligarchy. Fewer and fewer people gained a level of ungodly control over massive numbers of people, their wealth, their culture, their religion and their jobs.

In the early history of this country had people called each other names in the manner that some do on my fb pages, the matters would have been readily settled through a formal dual or a mutual beneficial visit to a corn field without the deleterious benefit of a second, courts or attorneys. The media and the U.S. Government even promotes this effeminate form of personal sniping and name calling which a large portion of our population finds this entertaining on the evening news. How long will we permit this denigration of our culture?

Yankee business etiquette is maintained for form and personal financial benefit. Southern good manners are maintained as the simple outflow of a moral, honest and upright personal character. Respect for human rights and human dignity is dead in most of the USA with only remnant pockets of good manners remaining in portions of the Southern States. God Bless the South.

The Confederate Colonel Project is one of the few forums where one can still oppose the presently dominating egalitarianism, and defend our principles, without immediate condemnation.

That is one of the highest compliments we could receive. So often, I see “disclaimers” on blogs and websites proclaiming that “this is not a racist site”, or “no hate allowed”, or “no hate speech permitted”, or any of a number of variations on the theme. Why do so many people feel obligated to bow down at the altar of political correctness to preface everything with such remarks? Why does virtually every single Tea Party event bend over backwards to “prove” that race has absolutely nothing to do with their objectives? Why are Blacks put “front and center” in such organizations when their numbers are statistically insignificant? And the more important question – Why are Blacks able to talk about important issues that a White could not without being physically thrown off the podium?

You will note that none of these so-called “disclaimers” can be found here at the Confederate Colonel project – nor are they needed. You will also find that all discussions of egalitarianism and racial matters are done in a fair and impartial and honorable manner. There is one reason for that: we strictly adhere to the words of Robert E. Lee to his students at Washington College (later renamed to Washington and Lee) :

We have but one rule here, and it is that every student be a gentleman.

That was Lee’s Golden Rule – that every man be a gentleman. That means that we speak the truth, but always do so in a fair and considerate way that does not needlessly hurt another. Robert E. Lee’s classic Definition of a Gentleman goes into further detail:

“The forbearing use of power does not only form a touchstone, but the manner in which an individual enjoys certain advantages over others is a test of a true gentleman. The power which the strong have over the weak, the employer over the employed, the educated over the unlettered, the experienced over the confiding, even the clever over the silly — the forbearing or inoffensive use of all this power or authority, or a total abstinence from it when the case admits it, will show the gentleman in a plain light. The gentleman does not needlessly and unnecessarily remind an offender of a wrong he may have committed against him. He cannot only forgive, he can forget; and he strives for that nobleness of self and mildness of character which impart sufficient strength to let the past be but the past. A true man of honor feels humbled himself when he cannot help humbling others.”

We will, at all times, do our best to follow the example and the words of Mr. Lee in everything that appears on Confederate Colonel – both in the posts and in the reply comments. If everyone followed that advice, there would be no need for any “disclaimers” and places like this would no longer be an island in a sea of crude and thoughtless words.

I am using racial matters to illustrate the point, but it applies to any topic that we might cover here. In all we do – no matter what the topic may be – our adherence to both the example of Robert E. Lee, and the wisdom found in The Holy Bible will be our guide. Much of what we discuss here is rejected and hated by the vast majority of the world. That’s OK. Our purpose is not to be popular, but to be right. Throughout history, the one consistent theme in every society is that the majority never stands for what is right and just and good. It is our intent to not stand with that majority, but to always do what is right and just and good. We may fail at times, but that is our goal.

Let me also take this opportunity to express my sincere appreciation to all who comment here and do so in the manner of Robert E. Lee. It is a privilege and an honor to be associated with you.

• Can someone be a Southern gentleman when they are not in or from The South?
• Is it appropriate for a non-Southerner to use and display the Confederate flag and other symbols of The South?

The answer to these and similar questions is a resounding “Yes”. The state of being a Southern gentleman is no longer restricted to those living below the Mason-Dixon Line, and perhaps it never was. A Southern gentleman who accepts a job transfer to Maine or New York or to Scotland or Italy is no less a Southern gentleman after his move than before. A man living in Massachusetts with solid Northern roots and not a single drop of Southern ancestral blood can decide to take on the mantle of the Southern gentleman and become a far greater Southern gentleman than a direct descendent of Robert E. Lee living deep in the heart of Dixie.

Being a Southern gentleman is a state of being. It is a lifestyle based on the ancient code of chivalry. It is a mindset of putting others first and having a truly humble spirit. It is a respect for others – and for oneself. It is respecting the dignity of all men, no matter what their station in life may be. It is a deep and abiding reverence and respect for women, coupled with the manners and etiquette that outwardly demonstrate that reverence. It is the understanding that we are not self-made men, but we stand on the shoulders of those who came before us. It is a reverence for the God who created us, and who is the source of all of our many blessings.

Southern gentlemen can be found at every level of society from the janitor who cleans the toilets with the same pride in his workmanship as the finest craftsman, to the men occupying the highest positions of leadership in the land. It is not about money or occupation or social standing. It is about being a Southern gentleman.

Outwardly, the Southern gentleman can be identified as the man who always dresses well – not to impress, but out of respect for the dignity of those around him. He can be identified as the man who is at ease in a hut or in a palace – and always makes those around him feel at ease when they are near him. He has taken the time to learn the rules of social etiquette and practices them at all times, yet never points out the errors made by others. He understands the needs of women and accommodates those needs. The Bible speaks of women as “the weaker vessel”; the Southern gentleman discretely protects women and is prepared to actively defend them if no other options are available. He is quiet and soft-spoken. The Southern gentleman is seldom heard in a crowd unless he is speaking to you since his voice is kept soft and low so as to not call attention to himself; even when angry, his voice, like his demeanor, is kept under control. He never calls attention to his own success but points to the success of others. His leadership style is one of firmness and confidence such that others naturally look to him when leadership is needed.

Understand that no one possess all of these traits. Most of us are fortunate if we can successfully cultivate even a few of them. What sets a man apart as a Southern gentleman is that he understands the goals, knows that they are important, and strives with every fiber of his being to be a Southern gentleman. When he fails, he is determined to do better next time and never makes excuses.

Being a Southern gentleman is a journey. It is not a destination.

The Accolade, by Edmund Leighton

I suspect that, if asked for the number one source of social awkwardness, many of us would say it is remembering names. I have a terrible time of it, and suspect that you do also. The very core of being a Southern Gentleman lies in making others feel comfortable and important. Nothing makes a bigger impression in that regard than the simple act of remembering and using another person’s name.

As I have mentioned previously, I used to be heavily involved in politics. I remember talking with a young man who worked as a volunteer with our local congressman. He and his family had been big supporters for several years, and were at many of his local campaign events. This young man was clearly a face he should have recognized, yet the congressman never remembered or called him by his name. In frustration, he told me that the next time the congressman didn’t remember his name, he will have to find another volunteer. Politicians are famous for paying attention to names (especially big donors), and this congressman’s failure to give that same respect to this teenaged volunteer may have cost him a very hard worker. Trust me on this – dedicated campaign workers are extremely rare, and the politician who neglects them will pay a steep price for that oversight.

Here are some key points from the post. Be sure to read the full article.

The key to being a charismatic gentleman is making others feel important. And what better way to make someone feel important than by remembering their name? Remembering someone’s name tells them that they were special enough to have made a real impression on you. And everybody wants to feel special.

• Commit to listening and remembering
• Repeat early, repeat often
• Have them spell it out
• Use a mnemonic device
• Visualize the person’s name on their forehead
• Associate the person’s name with an easy to remember picture
• Associate the image that represents the person’s name to an outstanding facial feature on the person
• Takes notes
• Practice, practice, practice

These are just the key points – the original post includes the details.

There are two ways to mess up etiquette. One is too ignore it altogether. The other is to over-think it and overdo it, and thus make it weird and awkward. So keep that in mind as you read these guidelines; the most important thing to remember is simply to be natural and to use common sense! It’s definitely not too complicated; these guidelines are simply designed to allow you to be smooth, instead of standing there havy-cavy, wondering what to do.

Opening doors for women requires their cooperation. If you get to the door before a woman, opening the door is simple. Just open the door and hold it for her. Things get awkward when you and your gal arrive at the door at the same time or she gets there before you. In these types of situations, opening doors becomes much like a dance. Each sex has a role they need to fill for the operation to successfully work. If your lady arrives at the door before you or at the same time as you, she should step slightly to one side so that you can open the door without knocking her on her tuckus. If she opens the door for herself, that’s not a problem. See below.

Since moving up to the pacific northwest about 7 months ago, I have come to notice many of the differences in the cultures and traditions between back home in the South and here. Aside from their peculiar way of naming all of their east west streets after Northern Generals and Presidents, one seemingly simple bit of manners or etiquette that has struck me the most is the handshake, or lack thereof. I was raised, by both my mother and father that when meeting another male, the handshake was the most important aspect of that encounter.

Since settling in to our new home in Washington state, I have been meeting and being introduced to many new people, and I have been surprised by the lack of handshakes at many of those first encounters. Being raised in the southern traditions, I always extend my hand, I don’t even think about it, I just do it. But quite frequently, I extend my hand to the other person who has his hand in his pocket, and his reaction seems surprised. Now, for the most part, the older men I meet typically offer their hands for the meeting, but most of the men my age or slightly older, they never raise their hand first. This struck me odd, and has made me feel uncomfortable in some instances. There are other aspects and subtleties of the handshake, like firmness etc., but I won’t go into those.

I began to think about what the handshake is, and where it may have originated. From my search, there are several possibilities as to how the handshake became to being. From spending quite some time in Scotland several years ago, and my own personal studies of Scottish customs and traditions, I think I have a pretty good idea as to the nature of the handshake. There is a tradition in the highlands of Scotland, which developed over centuries, of passing the quaich.

The quaich was and is a traditional vessel for drinking whiskey, reserved for a specific ritual. Historically, in the highlands if a stranger or traveler came to your door, that person was invited in and offered food and shelter. One of the first customs was to pass the quaich to the newcomer. The quaich is a cup from which opposite sides extend a small tab or handle. The person offering the quaich would sip of the whiskey using his right hand to drink with ( the right hand usually being the sword wielding hand) and with his right hand pass the quaich to the newcomer, In turn the newcomer accepts the quaich with his right hand and takes a sip. This assured both home owner and visitor, that they were safe from agression and would not harm each other.

For me, this highland custom was very similar to our handshake. Both parties greeting would offer their right hand, again the hand that would wield a weapon, to assure each other no aggression, and a verbal greeting would be spoken. It also offered a simple way of making human contact. It was a way of establishing peace and friendship, and assuring that that agreement would be kept. I am sure that for the vast majority of readers here, the handshake is a normal and common part of their daily lives, but where I am living now, it seems not to be so. In this day where more of our relationships extend across the cyber-sphere, it seems the age old traditions and manners when it comes to polite a civilized interaction are beginning to wane. Call me old fashioned, but I can’t imagine this simple ritual of greeting not being a part of my way of living, and would encourage others to keep this important greeting a part of their lives.

About a month ago, Fox Lane High School Principal Joel Adelberg looked out his office window next to the parking lot and noticed some school seniors were dressed up as if heading to a job interview.

Students had on ties and tucked-in dress shirts.

Adelberg was noticing the start of “Gentleman’s Tuesday,” where boys trade in their jeans, sweatshirts and T-shirts for formal garb such as blazers, slacks and ties.

…

Gabrielson, a Bedford Hills resident, said the effort is “bringing class to class.” It goes beyond the ties, sports jackets and dress shoes. The idea is also to hold doors and shake hands instead of slapping high fives.

“I think it was kind of an innate reaction,” Gabrielson, said of adding a layer of manners to the Tuesday dress code.

During an interview in Adelberg’s office, Faitell looked out the window and spotted a fellow student coming into school looking more like he went to prep school than public.

“There are so many kids who are doing it now, I think probably about 40 to 50 guys doing it,” said Faitell, a Pound Ridge resident. “It’s just become like a whole different thing. Our whole motto behind it is we’re not only looking fancy or dressing well but we hold doors, we speak properly — no high fives, only shaking hands.”

…
After the interview, Swift held the door for a reporter and photographer leaving the principal’s office.

“By doing this, we’re sort of, although doing a very small part, we’re still bringing a little bit more (civility) into the world,” Swift said of the Tuesday trend.

And a quick walk through the school library shows that spirit has spread. Gregg Goldberg, a senior, was wearing a grey corduroy suit jacket, purple shirt and black tie.

“You don’t need to go to a fancy school to dress nicely,” said Goldberg, who lives in Bedford.

Oliver Silzer, another senior who had on beige pants, a white dress shirt and sneakers, said his outfit was “mixing in the casual with the professional.”

“They’re a little classier than your average pair of Nikes,” Silzer, a Pound Ridge resident said of his Ralph Lauren Polo shoes.

Adelberg is clearly pleased by the trend the four seniors started.

“It’s a creative idea,” the principal said. “That’s nice so many of their classmates have gotten into the same spirit.”